mission_adoption

Some things just take time

Boy.  When I heard that it takes a year or more to process an international adoption, I figured that it was because the foreign governments moved slowly, presumably to ensure that their children will be well cared for.  I'm discovering that it's also pretty slow on the front end, even if one is conscientious. 

Our home study is on hold pending receipt of our medical forms and the police clearances.  Our Immigration approval is on hold pending our final home study.  Our dossier is incomplete without both of those things, and the medical and police forms.   So, we are in a holding pattern.

I found out today that the HIV test that we had to have will take a few more weeks to get results.  Apparently, the Army sends these to the States for processing.  Since we are about to head to Italy and then Georgia, we're definately stalled.  But I guess that when August comes around, I'll be ready to move forward with a new focus - Dossier prep!

Observations about the world of adoption

It's strange to enter a whole new world with it's own rules and norms.  In the autism world, I've learned to say "typical" instead of "normal" when referring to behavior.  In the military world, I have to be aware of rank, even if I don't necessarily defer to it.  Now that we're in the world of adoption, I'm finding new things to learn.

The first time I posted to a message board, I was immediately chastised for saying "the Ukraine".  Apparently this is a very touchy subject and several folks posted replies to my post to set me straight.  I can't remember if my question got answered, but I sure remember to reference Ukraine without a "the".  Folks get tied up in knots about some very interesting details. 

There's a whole set of appropriate phrases and words to use.  It's all very PC and meant to protect the feelings of everyone, but it does add to the list of things that one needs to learn. 

The biggest thing that I've noticed is that adoption is happening all over the world and to all sorts of families.  There are the Angelina Jolie's and there are the people going into debt to make their dream come true.  There are folks adopting kids who look nothing like themselves and it doesn't matter.  Whether folks know it or not, they are doing God's work by caring for orphans.  What a wonderful side-note to all the horrible things that happen every day.  Many people are simply doing good by being parents.  How cool is that?

How long does it take?

This is the most oft posed question to adopting families.  At least to this adoptive family.  And there's no answer.  A great many variables affect the timing - speed of organizing paperwork, turnover of documents by the government offices, the rules of the country from which adopting.   Last year, Ukraine totally stopped all foreign adoptions.  Now they're happening again, but it's always possible that they will shut things down again.  I watch chats on several message boards and it appears that families are traveling and coming home with new family members.  I've been in communication with a couple who started the process as late as this year and already have dates to travel and meet their new child.  So, how long does it take?  Anywhere from 6 months to over a year.  I'm being attentive to our documents, but I can't claim to have been as swift as possible.  My hope is that they will be submitted to Ukraine this fall.  Let's see how it goes....

Names

Today I'm pondering the idea of names for our future son.  Until we find out who he is and what his name is now, we won't know if we'll want to give him a new name.  Even still, it's fun to wonder.  The more time that passes, the more comfortable we get with the idea that we have another child out there waiting for us to find him.  Odds are that his Ukrainian name will be virtually unpronounceable to most Americans, so it's safe to assume that we'll do as many adoptive parents do and give him another name.  Mike and I agree that we'd like to retain his original name, likely as a middle one.  That leaves the first name to consider.  It's really weird to think about naming a child who is not a newborn.   Will we automatically know the perfect name when we first meet him?  Will we pick something out ahead of time?  Should the girls be involved?  Marisa has already suggested that her little brother be named Buster, but I hesitate to name my child after my parents' dog.  Talk about a straight trip to therapy!

Medical forms

Mike and I had back to back appointments today for the medical clearance forms.  I realized a few minutes in that I had scheduled with a nurse practitioner rather than a doctor, but she assured me that we'll be able to get everything reviewed and signed off by a doctor.  I don't want to risk having things kicked back because they want to see a doctor signature rather than a nurse.  I hear that they are particular about details and this seems like a big detail (is that an oxymoron?)

We still have to go back to finish them up since the forms required TB and other tests.  So we both got stuck and then were done for today.  In a couple weeks, all the results should be in and we'll get to finish up the form.